Dried snacks board: Andy Soucek’s announcement that he was leaving the Virgin Formula 1 team entered your consciousness even below the hazy acknowledgment of your mate that the vaguely attractive barmaid at your local was going back to college to complete her Sociology degree, writes our scraping-the-barrel-for-stories-in-the-off-season correspondent, Mickey Bricks.
Barmaid Vicky who has been pulling pints since she completed her 2nd year at Brunel University studying Sociology and Media Studies, occasionally passes the time of day with you when you pop in after work or at weekends when you can’t be arsed to walk the 500 yards to the much nicer bar on Titchfield Street.
During this period, your mate Dave has suggested that her casual chat may be a bit more than that with her ready laugh and twinkling eyes communicating more than just an easy manner with her punters and an ability to flit in and out of insouciant conversation at will.
How many pints did you say before this seems like a good idea?
Yet whilst this ego-boost led initially to a spark of over-eager interest in the 20 year old from Farnborough, your subsequent acknowledgement that her flat chest, shoddy dress sense, mousey hair and wonky teeth overwhelmed the daring frisson of the significant age gap and you’ve since lapsed into a relationship of mere cordial service-led engagement.
Despite the putrefying apathy however, your scarcely acknowledged grunt at the announcement her pint-pulling tenure was shortly ending still soared whole stratospheres of emotional investiture above the news broadcast on various motor sport websites concerning the 2008 – or was it 2009? – F2 champion.
A young Elton John? Nope, you’ve stumped me
“Although true that when I first met Victoria, her youth, eager laugh and bubbly personality led me briefly to a mental flirtation with banging her – possibly over the pool table – my subsequent ardour cooled noticeably when I sobered up. And it was daylight,” you commented.
“I was therefore somewhat massively underwhelmed by her news she would be leaving the Duck in 6 weeks time to complete her studies but was at least aware of a sense of consciousness when taking this piece of news in”.
“Nevertheless, as an F1 fan I was still amazed at my own level of detached apathy to a story about a test driver I’d never heard of leaving a team I didn’t even know had a test driver to begin with. A story I’d managed to forget until you reminded me and which I fear I will forget again even before I get to the end of this sentence”, you concluded.
A spokesperson for Virgin had forgotten they had a test driver as well, to be honest with you though apparently paid a Mr Soucek some Amazon gift vouchers back in June if that’s any relation?