Noo Yoik: A New York Grand Prix can rescue the reputation of the US financial sector by showing locals a bunch of people even more venal, profligate and morally bankrupt.
Following talks with F1 supremo Bernie Ecclestone, boss of the Monticello Motor Club Ari Strauss expressed confidence that soon local New Yorkers will have a new group of people around which they can focus their disgust and moral outrage.
“The last 2 years have been very challenging for our country”, he told reporters.
“But in many respects – certainly in terms of abuse rather than say, untold riches and morally repugnant decadence – the people who have borne the worst of it live and work right here in the state of New York – on Wall Street.”
NY residents rally to the cause of opulent abhorrents
“Through no fault of their own – apart from having a level of greed that would put Croetius to shame”, Strauss continued, “these hard working gamblers of fellow US citizens’ money have been publicly criticized, barracked and dishonoured simply for having the temerity to giggle like schoolchildren whilst they burned down the economy from inside their own diamond coated bubble of pure gold filled to the brim with the finest caviar, champagne and gorgeous, cocaine-fuelled hookers”.
“It is high time these fine Gucci and Prada clad downtrodden patriots were given the respect they deserve and what better way can they be rehabilitated in the eyes of the great American public than by showing them what a real bunch of egregious, debauched, amoral tossers look like by having F1 come to town”.
Part-time cattle rustler and local plumber, Joe “the plumber” Plumber reacted warmly to the proposal: “ever since the financial meltdown myself and many of my fellow New Yorkers have bonded over our hatred and contempt for the greedy Wall Street assholes who plundered this country and got away with murder”, he yelled, whilst waving a placard.
Could these horrendous self-serving narcissists save the reputation of some repugnant, amoral shit-heaps?
“But I believe as a card carrying, flag-waving member of the US card-carrying and flag-waving club that there comes a time to move on and start hating some other folk”
“If these eff 1 people are truly as heinous, degenerate, licentious and back-stabbing as we have been led to believe, this could be the way out of our malaise”, he added, pumping his fist and whooping for no apparent reason.
Bernie Ecclestone was unavailable to comment but was thought to be lighting his barbecue with 50 pound notes and wafting the resulting delicious smelling aroma of sausages under the noses of starving Africans whilst being given a blowjob by a 13 year old girl he’d misleadingly promised some crack to.