IT Block: Milton Keynes based Grand Prix chokers, Red Bull Racing are said to be seriously considering extending their performance evaluation software to include the day of the race itself in an attempt to turn their speed advantage into something vaguely useful, writes our number-crunching correspondent, Flippancy Cress.
Speaking after yet another pole position ended in humiliating failure at the Chinese Grand Prix, the team announced that they had identified a potential flaw in their state of the art race-analysis computer program and were taking appropriate measures to rectify it before the next race in Barcelona.
“Following extensive in-depth analysis of our own analysis”, Red Bull’s head of computers and stuff, Gabriel Suffragette told reporters, “we have identified a possible weakness in our computer software that may have contributed to non-optimal performances on race day and are currently looking to see if we can make amendments to improve our competitiveness”, he commented.
Newey’s team of crack computer geeks get to work on their timing traumas
The team declined to supply further details regarding the computer contretemps but speculation is mounting that Red Bull’s boffins have identified a crucial, hitherto overlooked bug in their extensive technology portfolio.
“My understanding is that they have discovered a major calendar malfunction which is a direct result of them buying the software at the Abu Dhabi grand prix last year whilst on a jolly at the local bazaar”, paddock insider Seamus Bilgetit told us”.
“Unfortunately, blinded by the cheap price and expert haggling they encountered, the fact that the UAE’s Sabbath is on a Saturday not a Sunday” was critically overlooked, he revealed.
Red Bull lagging in day of the week technology, claims expert
“It’s only following extensive analysis of the fact that they aren’t leading the Championship by 100 points that it was noticed all of their planning has been geared to Saturday rather than Sunday since this is what the software was calibrated to say was the end of the weekend: it’s another real rookie’s mistake”, he concluded.
If the rumours are true, Red Bull now face a frantic few days before the next race in Spain getting themselves out of their programming pickle.
“It’s a shame that the team seem capable of marshaling massive resources to build the fastest car on the grid but apparently can’t tell what day of the week it is”, Bilgetit summarised damningly.
“I know they always go on about being a new team but it’s nonetheless disappointing one of the more experienced guys like Mark Webber or Adrian Newey couldn’t have used their experience and gone to WH Smiths to buy a calendar”, he added.