Exchange & Mart deluge: one-previous Japanese owner F1 equipment requests swamps classified ads rag

Dentist’s waiting room: Hull based second hand showroom periodical Exchange and Mart was close to meltdown last Thursday when it was revealed that their normally sanguine ads department was inundated with advertisements for miscellaneous F1 equipment, writes our dodgy Eastern European sourced goods correspondent, Sue Nazi.

Coming into work last week, call centre operatives were expecting the usual relatively quiet day in which requests for highlighted outdoor garden furniture accessories and 3 year old 2 litre Ford Focus Ghia estates would form the bulk of their advertising requests for the day.

Switchboard hoard: call centre staff were overwhelmed by F1 auction avalanche

But by the end of Friday, call centre staff were complaining of over work, repetitive strain industry and excess confusion over the spelling of the word “vessel”, following a series of continuous solicitations by un-named Eastern European customers wishing to shift over 2,000 separate pieces of high grade Formula 1 equipment.

“It was mental”, call centre operative Melanie Jizz told us, “usually of a day I’ll do a couple of Dorney stepladders, 3 hatchbacks and maybe a Dethleffs Globetrotter but almost before I’d even sat down and had me cup of tea after getting in I’d placed nearly 30 ads just for carbon fibre aerodynamic parts and a drilled titanium brake pedal: it was like Blackpool illuminations”, she spluttered.

Over the course of 2 days of solid telephone switchboard meltdown, Melanie told us they took calls for:

  • 12 wheels with matching Carbone industries hubs and Bridgestone tyres
  • Over 250 pieces of bodywork
  • 6 entire Hewland transverse 7 speed gearboxes
  • 13 multi-paddle, semi-automatic gearbox linked steering wheels
  • 200 boxes of “the car in front is a Toyota” promotional beer mats
  • 14 semi-clad grid girls

Car Booty Sale: mysterious foreign owner offloaded entire collection of pitlane fluff

“Everyone was running about like headless chickens”, she said, “only there was so much chatter on the phones it were like being in a battery farm at the same time. And what with all these customers having thick accents and everyone yelling at each other the whole thing took on the air of an Alejandro Jodorowsky or Jonas Mekas experimental film”, she added. “Which were a bit weird”.

And whilst the identities of the mysterious sellers have yet to be identified, Melanie revealed that the sheer quantity of ads has created its own problems.

“To get that lot in last week’s issue they had to print 3 times as much paper as usual; we managed it but apparently half the delivery vans broke down with suspension damage and we’ve had 20 injury lawsuits from Claims Direct for paper boy back strain already”, she admitted, adding:

“if we’re not careful it will be like LA Law meets ER – a recipe for bedlam but a recipe for bedlam made twice as tasteless because it will be in a call centre”, she warned ominously, inbetween fags.

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