Press tent, pissing out: the signing of top dashboard-gawper and ex-Toyota pilot, Timo Glock by broadband-powered fizzy pop peddling Branson stalking horse, Manor Grand Prix was reported in the media about 3 weeks ago the media revealed reports our media correspondent, Madeleine Cartel.
The German, famously not very good but then made to look the opposite of that by driving alongside veteran Italian speed bump, Jarno Trulli was signed by the debut team 3 weeks ago when everyone was looking elsewhere or tidying their flat or something.
“We are very pleased Timo has decided to join our team”, the Manor Grand Prix spokesperson’s words echoed across the empty room. “We are confident that he will be a major asset in our first season in F1 and a factor in our long-term development towards the sharp end of the grid”, dust motes whirled and eddied about the podium, tugged across the vacant room by his plaintive words.
If a Manor GP press conference happened in the woods, etc, etc, etc.
“We are therefore tremendously excited about our prospects and look forward with great anticipation to our first Grand Prix in Melbourne 2010”, his speech drifted like smoke from a lonely camp fire to fall as ash on the rows and rows and rows and rows of vacant chairs laid out across the vast, deserted room.
Generating a level of interest lower than an Eddie Jordan pundit highlights DVD amidst the high profile brouhaha surrounding Mercedes’ purchase of Brawn and the fallout of Jenson Button’s defection to Mclaren, did not prevent 100% indifference however, at least in the specialist press.
The announcement received attention not just in a Motoring News 2 inch byline opposite an advert for Sparco fire-retardant overalls long after they’d finished covering everything else F1-related, (“Manor GP sign Glock”) but additionally got into Autosport around about page 8 or 9 just under an exclusive about how many sugars Lewis Hamilton likes in his tea under the headline, “Glock signs for Manor GP”.
These stories were in turn re-tweeted by a bunch of lonely, breathless twats whose worthless lives consist solely of feeding off Motorsport media stories and re-directing them desperately into an anonymous electronic vacuum – though mostly only to each other – like carrion-fuelled flies perpetually farting above a dead antelope.
Glock demonstrates ability to turn left
It is thought that the announcement concerning Virgin buying Manor will get more coverage because the prospect of a witless, self-promoting, bearded capitalist trying with every last marketing-shagged breath to perfume his empire of tat with the superficially cutting edge smoke and mirrors stench of F1 is somehow more newsworthy than e.g. Jaques Villeneuve having a glass of ginger beer and a pie in a pub in Norfolk.
When it really isn’t.