Barratt Homes: fresh from his landslide victory over ex-flying Finn, God-bothering Ari Vatanen in the FIA Presidential elections, top French midget team manager Jean Todt continued to cause consternation amongst F1 fans wanting a fresh start at the institutions’ Concorde HQ by getting the builders in to create an annexe for the ex-President, it has been revealed.
Pausing to talk to reporters in between supervising the installation of his favourite pieces of dolls’furniture at the new home in Paris, Todt insisted his appointment spelt an end to the recent acrimonious acrimony that threatened to split F1 down the middle and then divide that bit in two,
“It is important that we have harmony in F1 from now”, he said craning his neck to the microphone whilst on top of a fruit crate. “I am my own man and will ensure the future is consensual rather than conflictual,” he added from up on his tip-toes.
If you looked like him but somehow managed to marry her, you’d seem smug as well
But eagle-eyed journalists witnessing the new President’s impromptu press conference were quick to notice that Todt’s Pickfords removal backdrop of independence were being contradicted by the Magnet kitchen reality being played out behind him.
“He talked independence and consensus”, journalist Creatin Hunter-gatherer commented, “but it was clear from the amount of trowels, cement, fried breakfasts, pornography, benefit cheques, mugs of tea and deck chairs being carried in by dustied overall-wearing n’eer do wells, that some sort of heavy-duty building work was going on.”
“It was only when the sound of banging, hammering and sawing was drowned out by the testing of a heavy duty washer drier combination together with the arrival of a 4 poster bed draped in a Swastika, an array of police-approved restraint devices and that Max hadn’t been seen to leave the premise since the election that we finally put 2 and 2 together”, the journalist added.
Thieving, gipsy bastards putting in a bathroom yesterday for more than you were sure you’d originally agreed
If the rumours are true and the ex-President is going to be living permanently at the residence supposedly given over to his successor, it will be a massive blow to those who hoped Todt – who is famous for somehow getting Michelle Yeoh to marry him – would provide the much needed reform, myopic F1 fans who somehow think the sport could be run as a fucking democracy for their benefit hoped for.
“Todt has said he’s his own man but the plasterboard, Irish layabouts and plethora of white goods suggests he will have to go a long way to convince people he is truly independent”, commented Creatin.
“That and the fact he was a lying, cheating, blinkered, self-interested little whining tit who presided over the dullest period of F1 ever”, he added thoughtfully.