The Underworld: Representative mediums of the ex-Iraqi leader and top Arab dictator, Saddam Hussein have today revealed that the long dead genocidal maniac and winner of the Middle East’s “moustache of the year” 9 consecutive times is livid at the preferential treatment awarded the guilty parties by the FIA in the Singapore crash scandal.
At her modest 2-up, 2-down house in Pinner, Madame Bongo – known to her local dole office as Julie Strepsil – addressed journalists from behind a circular table, inside a pentangle with the curtains shut.
Saddam: Renault rant could even be heard 2 doors down from Hades, it’s reported
“Mr Hussein would like the world to know that he is extremely disappointed with the FIA’s stance against these guilty parties”, Miss Bongo intoned with her eyes closed and her hands flush against the table.
“Allowing known criminals to get off scot-free in return for testimony is simply unfair against similarly errant individuals who have been prosecuted for their crimes and in the case of Mr Hussein, had his neck broken and his head beaten with shoes”.
Following an intense session of table rattling during which the lights mysteriously turned off and on over the excruciating low din of unearthly tormented voices or possibly a Dyson vacuum cleaner, the ex-dictator railed against the injustice via Mrs Bongo’s voice,
“I am well angry”, he said taking on the Cockney accent of the mystic and house cleaner, “how come I get punished for being bad but Nelson and Pat get off? It’s not fair. I tell you: it’s one rule for Formula 1 and one rule for Middle East genocidal despots”, he/she raged.
Madam Bongo: 2 readings for a fiver, extra for dead dictators
And news that Pat Symonds was forced to resign anyway because of the scandal scarcely mollified the dead Iraqi tyrant, “it’s irrelevant”, he said between puffs of an unearthly Embassy Kingsize filter tip, “Renault forced him to quit, not the FIA. In principle he could have walked away with everything whereas I had to live in a hole in the ground for months before getting hanged.”
“I tell you, it’s one rule for mechanical engineers and another for Arabic murdering autocrats”, he bellowed.
Sadly, Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini and Pol Pot were unavailable for comment after we neglected to cross Madam Bongo’s hand with a tenner.