Outside the science block: reports are coming in that FOTA and the FIA are going to totally duff each other over once school has finished today after FOTA said the FIA smelt of wee and the FIA said yeah, but they’d seen FOTA’s mum sucking off a teacher and everyone knew it.
The Governing body and organisation of Formula 1 manufacturers have been calling each other names and making lewd allegations about each other’s state of hygiene together with the actions of close family members for several months but it is only now that the verbal hostilities have seemingly escalated into a physical confrontation after final bell at around 20 to 4 this afternoon.
FOTA (left) are incandescent, it is allegedly alleged
The tit for tat catcalling is thought to have reached a head when the leader of the FIA gang, Max Mosley was humiliated in front of other members of the class following PE when the leader of the FOTA gang was said to have pointed at the gym kit of Mosley and remarked at the collection of skid marks peppering his Y-Fronts. Apparently the FOTA head went on to suggest that Mosley’s mother probably washed the rest of it in his own wee as well, due to its off-white complexion and musty smell.
Livid at the allegation, Mr Mosley is then said to have whispered into the ear of several of his peers that although he hadn’t wanted to reveal what he’d seen the other night he definitely would now and what it was was, when he was walking home near the park he saw a man and a woman engaging in a lewd act one of whom was FOTA’s mum and the other of which definitely wasn’t their dad and it was well disgusting.
Analysts studying the event have said once FOTA got wind of this rumour via Gary Boyles during science practical, it was inevitable that the so far non-violent confrontations would be escalated to one of knocking the shit out of each other.
FOTA vs. FIA: images like this, now sadly inevitable
“FOTA is well annoyed wiv Max”, one onlooker said; continuing, “it is gonna be a total mash-up”.
Others have been swift to counter this assumption however with one sympathizer of the FIA head confiding, “Max is well handy, man! Wot dat FOTA don’t know is dat Max’s dad was like, innner SAS an‛at? An‛ e taught Max ’ow to rip a bloke’s face off plus a load of ninja shit n’all onner side. It is gonna be well messy, innit”, Mr Todt said.
And whilst many F1 followers believe a bloody conflagration is not inevitable, hopes that Headmaster Ecclestone could intervene at the 11th hour receded last night when it was revealed he had money on FOTA winning and any intervention would technically make the contest null and void and therefore was sadly unable to do anything about it, especially with the odds being as good as they are and everything. “E is a right fuckin’ wanka“, an associate of Mosley confided.