Toppers Hairdressers: The FIA’s entry list for 2010 has sparked consternation amongst many F1 commentators who fear that follicle fascism now rules the paddock regarding new team entry to this exclusive club, writes our hairdressing correspondent Frenchie Highlights.
Richards’ Prodrive outfit looked a shoe-in for the 2010 grid when it was revealed that the former BAR Honda manager was looking to gain a foothold in the new budget-restricted era of F1. His surprise exclusion has sparked dark mutterings that other criteria apart from how much money they owe Bernie Ecclestone is also being considered, however.
Prodrive Boss: too hairy?
“This has all the signs of a typical conspiracy”, said top conspiracy theorist Conspiracy Jones. “Richards has the finance, expertise and experience but has nonetheless been excluded: the only possible reason for this I conclude, is due to his facial hair”.
And whilst most F1 fans would be taken aback at such a revelation, Mr Jones was quick to debunk the naysayers, “it’s well known in F1 circles that additional facial hair is strictly controlled. Back in the 70s when John Watson shaved his beard off the FIA jumped at the chance to introduce a strict hirsute quota.”
“Heidfeld is allowed to keep his beard for example but Jenson Button had to get rid of his due to the re-introduction of Eddie Jordan to the pitlane. Mario Thiessen’s facial furniture means that the paddock now only has room for a pencil moustache or three 5’o clock shadows: Richards’ carefully cultivated stubble means he is therefore sadly ineligible for F1”, he said.
FIA keen to see the back of this sort of thing
Prodrive have thus far refused to comment on the follicle furore but Manor Motorsports’ doubt regarding their 2010 entry status and rumours a Gillette truck has been spotted outside Richards’ Brackley base suggests the ex-Honda boss is far from finished, however.
“He is a tough competitor who rarely takes no for an answer so I certainly wouldn’t bet on Richards giving up this trivial hirsute!” giggled Jones uncontrollably before suffering a coronary and being rushed to hospital in an ambulance.