Hamilton pushing demands, “risks rip in space time continuum”

Maidenhead Project: A top scientist has today claimed that Lewis Hamilton’s constant call to keep pushing is in danger of creating a time tunnel to another dimension.

After yet another Grand Prix in which the current World Champion was left battling with the backmarkers rather than fighting at the front, the British driver spoke to journalists reiterating the need to push.

“We need to keep pushing”, he said oblivious to the concept of diminishing returns.

“All of us. Push, push, push. If we can all keep pushing then we can improve. I’m pushing, the team is pushing; all the guys back in the factory. My mum and dad. The fans – everyone. It’s a great effort. But we need to push even more now”, he continued before miming the act itself in front of a big sign with the word “PUSH” on it in case we didn’t get the point the first time around.

Lewis Hamilton Mclaren

Mclaren engineers put Lewis suggestions into action

But rather than a harmless egocentric call for some mythical extra effort to be conjured up for his own glory, Dr David Pizzafailure of the Institute for the Study of Quantum Leaps has suggested it is a dangerous, potentially universe-threatening action the World Champion is inciting.

“Lewis’s demands for constant pushing has reached dangerous levels” said the Doctor, “and we have calculated that pushing beyond this point – as Lewis has called for – could create catastrophic consequences.”

“If just one more person adds to the pressure it’s possible that the fabric of space time itself could be punctured”, he continued from behind a Bunsen burner.

Some complicated looking graph making you think this is more difficult and important than it really is

And the volatility of such an action should not be dismissed, continued the eminent scientist and holder of a GCSE in Tomorrows World.

“Creating a gateway to another universe is both very dangerous and unpredictable; an infinite number of realities would instantaneously be created: from Shergar being elected Pope or the end of the Cosmos itself to FOTA agreeing on what to have for lunch – utterly fantastic and impossible events – could all suddenly occur at the same time.”

But Mclaren were quick to dismiss the claims, insisting that the membrane separating the known universe from infinite quantum uncertainty was far more robust than thought.

“We have heard all this before” claimed Dr Doctor-dr of Mclaren’s Final Frontier division.

“When Michael asked Ferrari to keep digging deeper and deeper, there was talk of tunneling straight to the earth’s core sending the planet spinning off into deep space. Just as this didn’t happen we also believe that the re-creation of the last episode of Sapphire and Steel is equally unlikely”, he harrumphed.

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