Barclays: Millions of people were tonight waiting with bated breath as fans from all four corners of the globe prayed to God that Formula 1 would somehow find a way to stop uncontrollably spending gargantuan amounts of money all the time.
Years spent splurging on space age technology for even the most mundane of components, wildly extravagant corporate entertainment and – in the case of Toyota – cases and cases of gold-plated shit have hard-wired intemperance to the point that spending money literally cannot be stopped, experts say.
Honda: woke up to discover they’d accidentally spent £400 million on jacksie
This collective psychosis – known as Women During the Sales Syndrome – means that F1 is now in very great danger of disappearing completely under the weight of its own chequebook, analysts have calculated.
Fans everywhere, astonished by the rapid turn of events and concerned about the possibility their beloved sport could disappear in a shower of loose change cowered under umbrellas outside team factories everywhere in a mood of grim foreboding.
“We are very, very scared” one admitted outside the Ferrari factory in Maranello; “for years we have supported our favourite teams by spending every last spare Euro we had on attending Grand Prix and whatever garish merchandise their cynical marketing departments could produce by some of the least colour co-ordinated designers in the world.”
A badly dressed F1 fan feeling really wretched, yesterday
“But the money we were spending was like a virus and we the hypodermic needle of death. Now the virus has entered the blood stream and the carrier is starting to fall very ill; running up a high temperature, covered in blotches and pustules and shitting itself in the bath. It is a very sad day for everyone,” he continued, wiping his nose on his Men’s pique Scuderia Ferrari polo shirt (€54,54) before sobbing into his monogrammed Ferrari handkerchief (€25,49) and placing it in his Men’s Scuderia Ferrari jogging suit trousers (€ 64,46) paid for with his 0.5%. cashback, 0% APR 12 months Formula 1 liveried Mastercard
But despite the storm clouds hanging over the sport, all hope is not lost. Fans are being urged to show their solidarity by visiting a special website set up for the cause at:
and donating via the, “you fucking idiot” button.