KERS malfunction prompts nylon clothing fears

Electricity Showrooms: the head of an influential research body today issued a dire warning to F1 teams regarding the introduction of Kinetic Energy Reduction Systems during the 2009 season.

The devices – also known as KERS – are designed to recycle tiny bits of otherwise wasted energy into massive column inches of vaguely credible environmentally friendly PR.

As an unfortunate side-effect however, they also generate tremendous levels of static electricity which combined with new cost cutting measures – some experts believe – could spell disaster.

“What we are looking at here”, commented Dr Kevin Currents of the University of Ampsterdam, “is a combination of apparently unrelated events that could nonetheless spell disaster or, maybe oh no! or Jesus! – something like that.”

New Force India apparel could be at risk

“The chances of getting an electric shock is significant with these systems,” the Doctor continued, “but recent cost cutting measures on team clothing have heightened these risks to potentially unacceptable levels.”

“Those trimming their budgets by replacing their cotton shirts and trousers with a cheaper mix of rayon and nylon are literally playing with fire.”

“All it would take is an errant spark and an entire team could be electrocuted; ending up looking like that bit at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark when all the Nazis melt”, he added.

FIA safety chiefs were however quick to scoff at the proposed threat, “we’ve heard these warnings before”, a spokesperson spoke, “and the risk is miniscule.”

“Provided all the teams wear these all-in-one 3 inch thick rubber boiler suits, don’t go within 100 metres of any electrical equipment or rub balloons vigorously on their team jumpers, nothing untoward could possibly happen we think we’re probably sure about”, he continued, crossing his fingers whilst reciting the Lords’ prayer and stroking his lucky rabbit’s foot.

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