Tokyo: Despite their F1 team not technically existing any more, boardroom honchos from Honda were last night celebrating umpteen consecutive imaginary double world championships thanks to the massive funding of marketing-inspired unconscious sleep-induced delusions.
In the year 2019 – executives visualized – Honda had just won their 10th straight world constructors’ and drivers’ trophies this time securing the coveted baubles with 4 races remaining following a close battle with Ferrari and – during the Malaysian and Singapore Grand Prix – Zoltar from Battle of the Planets.
“It is a vindication of our resource and spending allocation”, Honda’s not-for-much-longer-chief, Takeo Fukui commented to an image of Michelle Yeoh in stockings, suspenders and a little peaked cap saying, “press” on it emblazoned inside his head using a little laser.
Zoltar: botched pitstop cost race wins and taking over the universe
“Simply through harnessing the power of our imaginations we have scaled amazing heights in the next 10 years and beyond. Achieving all our objectives: beating our sternest competition, seeing Toyota, Nissan and Mazda vanish into thin air, taken back the eastern Chinese peninsula for the Japanese people, brought Bruce Lee back to life and done it with Angelina Jolie – including up the bum and everything”.
“In some respects we could say that we have achieved even more than we could have possibly dreamt except – weirdly – that isn’t actually possible”, he added.
Yet despite a resurrected Ayrton Senna corpse piloting their electric vehicles to 3 championships, restoration of the Meiji Imperial Dynasty and the vanquishing of Optimus Prime by Godzilla, the marketing department was unable to weave their hypnotic spell on Honda shareholders and sadly, an induced perception that the fucking large black hole in the accounts was actually a magic portal to a world of unlimited sushi and invisible ninja biscuits was actually seen as a mountainous avalanche of yen being pissed hubristically up the wall on a meaningless and embarrassing escapade and maybe it was a time to stop that then?
