Massa-Hamilton playground spat escalates: “my dad can beat up your dad”, claims Brazilian ace

Sao Paulo bike sheds: The already simmering tension between championship hopefuls Lewis Hamilton and Felipe Massa has reached boiling point following their controversial coming together in Japan with the latter suggesting that a punch up between the respective male parents would inevitably result in humiliating defeat for Hamilton senior.

Pulled up before the stewards for excessive boisterousness and ordered to keep quiet and stop blaming each other whilst receiving their ticking off, the Brazilian later talked to reporters about the complexities of his relationship with Lewis and the specific areas of concern for the championship runoff,

“Lewis is a gaylord,” Massa commented, “he smells of poo and I saw him touching another boy in the toilets. If my dad and his dad had a fight my dad would definitely win,” he continued, “his dad is a gay as well; I bet even my mum could beat him up.”

Massa vs. Hamilton: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Etc

Journalists putting these allegations direct to Hamilton discovered the British driver keen to dismiss the taunts in a robust fashion,

“I hate him!” Lewis sniveled slightly into his race suit sleeve, “I hate him, I hate him I hate him!! He is horrid!!” he added before being led away by his dad to a quiet corner of the garage, sat down and ordered to look at his father whilst he was talking to him and not take that tone of voice with me, young man.

Meanwhile it was reported that Massa was hauled into the family motor home by his ear and sent to bed early without any tea even though it was sausage, egg and beans which is his favourite and he is never, ever going to talk to anyone again cross his heart and hope to die.

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