Raikkonen concentrated “100%” on winning that DHL Fastest Lap prize thing

Bow Bells: Kimi Raikkonen’s manager Steve Robertson last night praised the outgoing World Champion’s 2008 season, hailing it as “mission accomplished” following the Finn’s crowning with the most number of meaningless fastest laps trophy by some parcel delivery service or something.

With just 3 races left the fast Finn has raced to an unassailable lead for the futile bauble by amassing an astonishing 10 quickest laps from about 500 others he didn’t bother going quite as fast at; something Robertson was quick to pounce on what with nothing else to do that with,

“Awright mate?” he commented, “it’s well wicked and that; fahkin’ massive wot he done. Ee’s the bizness; ee’s well quick. I am massively chuffed”, he said to waiting reporters, leaping into the air and clicking his heels in a jaunty fashion.


Despite suggestions by some that driving the quickest over an entire race distance may have been more useful, the cockney manager insisted that the banana liveried courier firm’s knickknack was what the Finn was really after.

“S’all abaht luck innit, that whirled champing’shit?”, the bearded manager estuarised, “wear-azz ure vastest leps is wear you show ure duh mohss quickest indurwhirled. Iswot Kimi’s all abaht. Eez durquickiss – luvly jubbly!”, he added rattling his pearly king suit, linking arms with a barrow boy and skipping down the road whistling a merry tune.

Meanwhile, accusations that the Finn’s apparent total disinterest until the very end of recent races was due to a premature acclimatisation program to the Singapore night race were denied by this bloke we asked in the pub.

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