Mogadon: Spanish F1 fans were today caught in an ironic crossfire of anti-racist pro-entertainment criticism following the former’s inability to create xenophobic controversy sufficient to deflect attention away from yet another soporific Spanish Grand Prix.
Chintz
The desperate, frenzied attempts to inject superficial interest in the event by only placing 5 pipettes of petrol in Alonso’s Renault and decorating many cars in animal fancy dress failed to inspire anything more than abject, stultifying boredom in F1 fans around the globe who failed to turn on in their thousands before turning off in their millions.
Farce-a-lona: enthusiasm mounts as event draws to a close
One F1 insider described the disappointment in the paddock:
Curtains
“We were all looking forward to coming”, he said, “not for the racing – for the gorilla costumes. Just the sight of them alone would have taken our minds off the tedium though we were also hoping there might be a rumble with security; if Max had had to utter some condemnatory statement that would have been even better – it might even have made it [coming to Barcelona] exciting for once”.
The failure of local xenophobes and racists to don monkey suits, blacked up faces or wave scarcely literate offensive banners was therefore seen as bad business by F1 promoters who have increasingly looked to gimmicks to shore up their petrol-head business with such things as safety cars, night races, incomprehensible qualifying formats, outright cheating and S&M Nazi-themed get-togethers.
There was still hope however that Spanish ethno-zealots could save the day at the country’s second race at Valencia, in August.
Penis Envy
“I’m personally optimistic they can step up to the plate next time”, quoted the man quoted earlier.
“A bit of monkey chanting should get things started but if they can chuck a few banana skins and maybe put some tribal masks on this will all be forgotten even if – technically – I already can’t remember what has just happened”.
