Aylesbury Playhouse: Ralf Schumacher fans were last night coming to terms with the possibility of their driver taking a sabbatical with the Aylesbury Playhouse touring production of Puss in Boots following a collapse in talks between the grumpy German and every single team in Formula 1.*
Following Force India’s decision to hire Giancarlo Fisichella, F1’s capacity to sustain a second veteran driver of comical ineptitude was fatally weakened hence the brother of F1’s most successful ever driver leaving to find pastures new.
“I am fully committed to my role”, explained Ralf in a press conference away from the usual hubbub of F1 journalists, inside his bedroom in front of a webcam.
“For you, zer career iss over”
“F1 has taught me a lot and I go into my new situation full of optimism I can extract the maximum from my role as Dick Whittington.”
Ralf was later downgraded to Puss following a temper tantrum in which a derogatory, effeminate and certainly not true comment was bandied about by other cast members, hastily rebutted by a massively expensive legal team.
*Quantity of actual discussions may not equal quantity of discussions according to inside of Ralf’s head