Cobra Beer Factory: Giancarlo Fisichella’s surprise recruitment to Force India’s driving squad has prompted a rush to buy settees amongst F1 fans around the world.
Speaking from outside his local Croydon branch of Ikea, Fisichella supporter and part-time masochist Belvin Stewardess was queuing amongst fellow Fisi-followers for a Hovby Ektorp 3-seat sofa-bed.
“I have followed Fisichella since before he was a boy”, commented Belvin.
“And I was finally expecting to be able to watch my favourite sport this year without resorting to periodically hiding my eyes behind my hands, making them into fists and thrusting them into my mouth to stop myself screaming or half-running, half-stumbling from the room in a fit of tearful, abject embarrassment”.
Pensive: The sofa, yesterday
Belvin elaborated: “however, following his unexpected recall I am left with no choice but to buy a piece of furniture large enough to cower behind when the inevitable humiliation occurs, forcing my own protection against insanity via leaping away from the pitiless gaze of the television camera to the relative safety of the back of a large opaque piece of furniture.
“I imagine my fingers will be in my ears as well.”
Despite the expense and anticipated embarrassment however, Belvin admitted it could have been worse.
“It could have been worse“, he admitted.
“If Ralf had also been retained I would have inevitably been compelled to cut out my eyes and ears with a big knife or run into the street and machine-gun a bus queue”.