Maranello: Following the launch of the new F2008 with which the Italian team hope to defend their World Championship, Ferrari CEO Jean Todt sought to play down suggestions 2008 would be a cakewalk following the parallel announcement the Almighty had been hired in a new but unspecified role.
“The whole team have been working flat out on the new car since last year”, said Todt.
“This is the reason we should be optimistic; not because we have an omniscient demiurge listening to our prayers, protecting, caring and blessing us 24/7; especially during race weekends”.
Despite fears of a conflict of interest, Todt insisted this was not the case: “in the absence of any hard evidence it was agreed with the Creator that the 7th day would be changed from Sunday to Tuesday, thereby allowing Him to arrive at the circuit fully refreshed with the rest of the boys in the Transporter on Wednesday, assuming he isn’t already at the circuit constantly in the guise of the Holy Spirit.”
God: sacrificed weekend, possibly condemning self to confusing self-purgatory
Todt continued: “this will of course potentially alter the lives of about 2 billion people on the planet but God considered this to be too good an opportunity to turn down for such a small sacrifice”.
Todt also went out of his way to quash rumours that anybody else had been considered for the role, “it’s true we did speak to Michael.”
“But his new position has yet to be defined clearly at Ferrari and we are very happy with the range of experience and omnipotence Jehova brings to the team,” the part-time Napoleon impersonator continued.
Richard Dawkins was unavailable for comment but was thought to believe anybody not an atheist is probably a bit retarded.