Briatore “cheat” slur fury finally loosens tan

South of France: Renault boss Flavio Briatore was today left not just speechless but colourless with fury following allegations his team cheated their way through the 2007 season courtesy of stolen McLaren information.

The scene was acted out in front of a startled audience of fellow employees.

“He was going mad; shouting and screaming and gesticulating at everything,” claimed one witness.

“At one point he was stubbing his fag out on pictures of Ron Dennis then re-lighting them and stubbing them out on Max Mosley.   It was bonkers”.


“Eventually somebody managed to calm him down with a half naked picture of Kelly Brook but it was only once we’d begun to clean up after his frenzied Roman tantrum that we realised: his tan had shattered all over the floor.”

Dermatology and tanning expert Higgledy-Piggledy-Doc said last night it was not uncommon for celebrities to suffer from Hypoanalgesic-Swarthy Trauma.

“It is not uncommon”, he said, clutching a stethoscope.

Briatore meanwhile, embarrassed at his wan complexion, immediately went into hiding and has not been photographed for over a week on a yacht, fashion show or attending a shit English Championship football ground.

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