Red Bull young driver recruitment heads for womb

Kitsbuhl Kindergarten: In an attempt to gain a foothold in the burgeoning whiz-kid driver market & scupper rival teams’ efforts in the meantime, Red Bull have moved their young driver program out of the racetrack and inside the uterus in an attempt to locate the next Grand Prix star of tomorrow, writes our young apprentice correspondent, Garth Shaver.

From the gynaecology ward of the hospital chosen to be at the forefront of this amazing F1 foetus-jockey experiment, the Head of Carbonated Sugar Sports Injuries unit, Dr Alexander Hattembascher announced the new initiative.

“This is a proud moment in the history of fizzy drinks; no longer will we be reduced to handing over millions of pounds to ultimately useless wannabe F1 drivers over a number of fruitless years. Instead, through this new initiative Red Bull will be able to select, hone and – ultimately – create the perfect racing driver shortly after the moment of conception.”

A Uterus, cervix and vagina, yesterday

“It will be exactly like the Dolph Lundgren bit from Rocky 4”, he added, “or was it Rocky 5? Anyway, the one with the Russian in it and all the wires hanging off him; only a lot younger obviously”.

Where this leaves Red Bull’s other young drivers is anyone’s guess but Hattembascher couldn’t resist making a joke.

“They’d better watch out; it won’t be the first time our drivers need to look behind them at a young star in a MacLaren!”

“Get it? You know: the baby buggies,” he laughed into an already emptying room.

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