Drunk guy wakes up and wonders what his buddies have got him into *this* time
Archive
February 2012
- 22: Unreconstructed men mourn Italian absence (0)
- 17: Revealed! 2012 Mercedes field leader spotted in Northamptonshire (0)
- 16: HRT suicide attempt ends in failure (0)
- 14: Ecclestone considers safer, more democratic Bahrain GP venue (0)
- 10: Spaniards flock to employment demonstration (0)
- 10: Useless bloody Italian should have been sacked years ago, say fans (0)
- 07: New Red Bull crucial to rival designer’s feelings of self-worth (0)
- 06: ‘Get me off of this girl!’ says hirsute symbol of masculinity (1)
- 05: Fight for Red Bull seat to be Frozen Planet Sequel (0)
- 03: Di Resta to hone interview fatigue for 2012 (0)
January 2012
- 30: Senna tat production harder than anticipated, say Williams merchandisers (0)
- 27: Lotus grateful thing it didn’t understand now not allowed (0)
- 24: Trulli ‘concrete’ contract revealed (0)
- 20: No human beings in Bahrain (0)
- 17: Ecclestone considers Valencia contract amendment (0)
- 14: Kobayashi given one chance to drive people off the road in 2012 (0)
- 13: Commitment to operating noisy machinery unwavering, says Alguersuari (0)
- 12: Williams chief moved closer to fire exit (0)
- 09: DIY 747: Air Asia announce Caterham cross over (0)
- 06: That Vettel under-rated: Newey regal trinket controversy (0)
December 2011
- 31: Return of Hulk headline briefly excites Marvel comic fan (0)
- 26: Codemasters kybosh Kubica comeback (0)
- 16: Lotus considers car construction to go with marketing bullshit output (0)
- 13: Hispania insist own designers create 2012 car (0)
- 12: FOTA withdraws from self (0)
- 11: Red Bull wows Milton Keynes (0)
- 07: Venezuela doing brilliantly thanks, you corrupt Western Imperialist pig-dogs (0)
- 04: Brazilian urged to retire before the whole thing becomes embarrassing (0)
- 03: Red Bull gearbox conspiracy theory a conspiracy say conspiracy theorists (0)
November 2011
- 30: Drunk guy wakes up and wonders what his buddies have got him into *this* time (0)
- 28: Annoying child ruins Ronaldo son F1 experience (0)
- 26: Champagne confusion trauma prompts Sam Michael counseling (0)
- 25: Lewis heights potential revealed (0)
- 22: Hamilton to blame for not being able to blame Hamilton, says Massa (0)
- 21: Mclaren KERS re-boot: Sam Michael Williams tech influence revealed (0)
- 20: Birthday present bar height Lewis brother concerns (0)
- 18: Man with spare $25m found to save Austin GP (0)
- 11: Nobody sure who anybody working for any more (0)
- 07: Personality defect urged to offset Vettel victory boredom (0)
- 05: 1.2 billion people grateful Lotus not showing them up in front of everyone (0)
- 04: Conflict resolution expert looks for profitable Lewis, Felipe settlement (0)
October 2011
- 30: World Championship just this not very important, stupid thing, say non-Red Bull teams (0)
- 29: Motor racing no laughing matter any more (0)
- 26: Vettel to use Force in run to first corner, going forwards (0)
- 20: Hamilton Mclaren brainstorm memo leaked (0)
- 17: ‘Take care of Hamilton’ job applicants prompts Mclaren regret (0)
- 14: Kobayashi loss-of-face Suzuka performance assuaged by ritual disembowelment (0)
- 13: Ferrari launch Massa hire-purchase scheme (0)
- 12: Suzuka stewarding decisions explained (0)
- 07: Button contract not in the version of Grand Theft Auto I bought, says Hamilton (0)
- 06: Ferrari to jam Smedley radio (0)
September 2011
- 30: Hamilton actor warned to tone it down (1)
- 25: Park Lane Hotel build and purchase move sparks Schuey family Monopoly row (0)
- 21: Daly wondering what he came up these stairs for, again? (0)
- 20: Kubica Tekken comeback fears (0)
- 15: Hispania Monza sponsor go-getting instruction translation failure (0)
- 11: Massa now relying on God (0)
- 07: Paddock Schumacher affection back to ’91 levels (0)
- 03: Piss-poor 2011 excuses ‘nearly exhausted’ warns Merc (0)
- 01: Massa August break location revealed (0)
August 2011
- 28: FIFA-Murdoch gene splice experiment now bearing fruit, says mad scientist (0)
- 24: F1 returns in nick of time for exhausted, masturbating teenage boys (0)
- 17: Button title push, “based on this trick Derren Brown told me” (0)
- 16: “Fans making this whole F1 thing too bloody expensive,” says Parr (0)
- 14: Pay-per-View F1 monster, “unstoppable” say experts (0)
July 2011
- 24: Hamilton critics grateful German win offers inconsistency angle (0)
- 21: Silverstone sartorial setback following Ecclestone fashion fatwah (0)
- 17: Schuey performances prompt Merc design re-think (0)
- 17: FIA Wile E. Coyote Red Bull nobble blueprint accusation (0)
June 2011
- 30: “Stop selling me all this shit!” fans petition F1 bosses (0)
- 29: Future Valencia GP bid to request no cars be involved (0)
- 29: Whining diva meets Rihanna (0)
- 28: Vettel 2.0 launch brought forward following Montreal malfunction (0)
- 20: Star Wars fanboy ruins Lucas F1 experience (0)
- 11: Group Lotus failure: team look to rename drivers “Senna” and “Fittipaldi” to compensate (0)
- 10: Fans livid nobody told them about all this bad shit happening in the world (0)
- 10: New FIA circuit inspector hire to address soft-touch criticism (0)
- 09: Sacha Baron Cohen sues for brand defilement (0)
May 2011
- 27: Early warning Mosley scandal system to remain paperboy based (0)
- 26: German sportsperson admits drinking alcohol in bar, shock (0)
- 24: “Exciting” racing criticism reveals EMO F1 support (0)
- 20: Engineer receives inadvertent Renault engine sales award (0)
- 13: Shifty fucker convinces Williams he’s the answer to their problems (0)
- 12: Ecclestone “livid” at self for ruining Turkish GP future (0)
- 11: BBC worryingly short of back-up pricks, says Analyst (0)
- 10: Beneficiary of Pirelli “marbles” suggested (0)
April 2011
- 18: “This monosyllabic drunk guy exactly the sorta foreigner we’s a’ lookin’ for!!”, says NASCAR spokesman (0)
- 18: Lotus Black and Gold nostalgia undone by Rocky IV Drago Petrov nostalgia (0)
- 18: Derek Acorah hired in FIA hunt for ghost of overtaking (0)
- 02: BBC Finger Point Analysis App undergoes Melbourne shakedown (0)
March 2011
- 23: Other 2 Horsemen of Apocalypse wondering when Bernie will get the message (0)
- 22: BBC coverage cancel threat sparks nationwide Blundell panic (0)
- 20: F1 car-shaped object unveiled (0)
February 2011
- 25: Ferrari name furore: Europeans counter-sue Ford for Redneck shopping vehicle (0)
- 23: Drivers demand FIA bionic hand equality pledge (0)
- 19: Australia to host official shattering of Hamilton 2011 optimism (0)
- 15: Virgin Racing “Design an F1 Car!” software v2.0 install failure (0)
- 13: 2010 F1 Audience increase linked to 2010 F1 game delay (0)
- 10: Lotus dispute to be settled long after you’ve stopped giving a shit (0)
- 08: Hollywood designer’s Hispania logo comes up trumps (0)
- 05: Lung cancer re-brand contract renewed (0)
January 2011
- 22: Mansell backing scuppers Group Lotus legitimacy hopes (0)
- 15: Story shortage prompts calls for off-season backup Stewart (0)
- 11: “What Countryfile verdict?”, asks 5Live F1 commissioning editor (0)
- 05: BBC audience irritation experiment ends (0)
December 2010
- 20: F1 fan selling plasma telly offers to break Ecclestone legs (0)
- 17: Grasping, cossetted, litigious Piquets glad “liar” slur finally put to bed (0)
- 15: Badoer Ferrari exit goes according to plan (0)
- 10: JPS livery revival brings back fond memories of both my legs, says Atherosclerosis patient (0)
November 2010
- 26: Webber bell-end possibility slowly dawning on fans (0)
- 24: Germanic Panic: Hulkenberg sacking down to nationality, admits patriotic Williams (0)
- 23: Billionaire mugger suffers ironic literal metaphor (0)
- 19: Hamilton bad language apology: Anthony sorry for skipped GCSE English lessons (0)
- 12: Ecclestone 80th brings Yoda yearning admission (0)
- 09: Mclaren defend end of season Button Championship Time Machine investment (0)
- 06: Timo Glock wins 2010 fans’ drivers’ championship (0)
October 2010
- 26: Red Bull still unsure whether human or mechanical failure the hard luck story they’re going for (0)
- 23: Seeking least humiliating way to see if he’ll help him, Lewis asks after John Button’s health (0)
- 19: Cricketers ask F1 if they wouldn’t mind keeping the noise down to that sort of level, please? (0)
- 13: Mclaren strategy, “now largely down to praying to the right God” (0)
- 09: Onscreen gaffes spoiling habitual McKenzie wank, say F1 fans (0)
- 08: Small businessman seeks Rotary Club backing from local idiots (0)
- 04: Korean GP delights Kim Jong Il: “one more thing destroyed in inevitable collapse of Western capitalist imperialism”, trumpets tiny tyrant (0)
September 2010
- 27: Airline company lawyer accuses car company lawyer of destroying romance and magic of corporate branding (0)
- 24: Horner concern at increasingly credible title run-in (0)
- 22: Lotus celebrate new name with team barbecue (0)
- 19: EJ Schuey quit rumour veracity biblical apocalypse warning (0)
- 12: Noble, humiliated Latin country ego restored now shiny red car has beaten shiny silver car (0)
- 07: Ecclestone seals 7 year Spa climate sub-contracting deal (0)
- 04: F1 seeks clarification for how much contempt it can now openly show its audience (0)
August 2010
- 27: Soucek Virgin exit overshadowed by that barmaid you like leaving the Dog and Duck (0)
- 22: Montezemolo to take summer rant break (0)
- 21: Newey Red Bull driver psychology experiment finishes (0)
- 18: August break makes area man realise he isn’t really a motorsport fan, after all (0)
- 13: Beeb hail corporation equality with promotion of “right bit of crumpet” to talking and smiling at drivers job (0)
- 11: Reduced Schumacher brain capacity now largely committed to evil, admit Mercedes (0)
- 09: Force India mechanic locates Mallya “blip” (0)
- 05: Ferrari insist fawn torture, “completely legal” (0)
July 2010
- 28: Doc fears Alonso eyebrow entanglement rage op now inevitable (0)
- 21: Psychic Octopus predicts Red Bull rumpus (0)
- 20: Silverstone resident celebrates 17 year circuit deal (0)
- 17: First dibs on all that incomprehensible German shit Seb has, insists Webber (0)
- 12: Mallorca GP bid encourages Uranus pitch (0)
- 09: Lotus 500th anniversary celebrated with traditional Norfolk Keropok Lekor, Ayam Goreng and satay dip (0)
- 08: FIA officials unveil ultimate driver steward deterrent (0)
- 04: British GP spectators disappointed Silverstone Arena section still links up with rest of Silverstone (0)
June 2010
- 28: Mercedes introduce hubris update for British GP (0)
- 20: Montreal ordered to run failing Grand Prix (0)
- 17: Top 5 F1 ideas to improve the World Cup: (0)
- 13: Vatican rebukes Ferrari over 11 year old signing: “exploitation of pre-pubescent boys our job”, thunders Church (0)
- 09: 40 years on: Bruce death still felt by Mclaren marketers looking for something other than this shiny, sterile, hi-tech bauble sales pitch (0)
- 05: Unfortunate Webber motorsport career to blame for Red Bull crash, says Marko (0)
May 2010
- 29: Toyota castigates F1 for failing to come down to its level (0)
- 24: Wall Street opinion upswing sought by attracting something even more unpopular to area (0)
- 22: Grosjean reveals F1 team principal he needs to talk to (0)
- 20: Mercedes admit Schuey pantomime villain 2010 performance, “under par” (0)
- 12: Brawn rubbishes Schuey Mercedes bias following help-me-out handles and walnut dash upgrades (0)
- 11: Klien pinpoints HRT improvement tweak (0)
- 07: Scrutineers sue Ferrari for entrenched nicotine habits (0)
April 2010
- 28: Red Bull analysis software upgrade to include Sunday (0)
- 26: Sudden Massa DIY enthusiasm prompts Alonso thumb insurance panic (0)
- 24: 5 things more spectacularly pointless than Yamamoto HRT test driver signing (0)
- 23: Future stewarding to be stewarded, say stewards (0)
- 22: Scottish man who believes in even more unlikely victory than Schuey title located (0)
- 21: Top 5 things other than fags you might think of when looking at an F1 Ferrari (0)
- 17: Volcanic Vexation Beeb Bother – top 5 things corporation thought about replacing Eddie Jordan with: (0)
- 14: Schuey castigates Alguerasari Oz tactics: “when I was his age, I’d have driven me off the track”, rages ex-champ (0)
- 11: Virgin in Red Bull inconsistency fuel tank rumpus (0)
- 05: Button speed linked to World Driver’s championship, claims analyst (0)
March 2010
- 24: Hot air hullabaloo: Mclaren counter-protest Red Bull with “too fast car” accusation (0)
- 22: Fry underlines team management expertise with “Hamilton quicker than Button” spot (0)
- 19: Webber in decent alternative Oz GP telly plea (0)
- 12: Exchange & Mart deluge: one-previous Japanese owner F1 equipment requests swamps classified ads rag (0)
- 10: Scientists predict “BBC Ask Eddie Jordan” column to be most pointless thing in universe (0)
- 07: Previous recipient of Schuey Christmas anticipation excitement sends F1 warning (0)
- 06: Ferrari edging Mclaren on inter-team, pre-season childish fall-outs (0)
February 2010
- 24: Virgin architect computer solution delusion (0)
- 21: Testing clarifies F1 pecking order: slow teams not as fast as faster teams, say experts (0)
- 20: Silverstone “Arena” concept revealed (0)
- 17: Afghanistan citizens “embarrassed” for putative US flag-waving team (0)
- 12: YouTube USF1 link revelation: tech company to create “virtual” American driver for fledgling team (0)
- 11: Schuey symbol snaffle superstition shocker! (0)
- 07: FIA King of the Stewards in axing appeal death penalty penalty blow (0)
January 2010
- 25: Pop music and sports PR machines agree amicable split (0)
- 18: Wheatcroft: squatters have ruined my lovely home (0)
- 10: Briatore dignity denies return: “I still need some time to think”, says estranged sense of ex-team principal’s pride and self-esteem (0)
December 2009
- 23: Ralf F1 drive speculation mostly limited to inside of Ralf’s mind, claim reports (0)
- 19: Briatore and Mosley to settle this in the fucking car park, alright? (0)
- 17: Schuey fan return: Mullet & Euro-Disco costs spark circuit bankruptcy fears (0)
- 14: Legally dubious innovation, metal fatigue and money laundering: Fernandes makes Lotus heritage protection vow (0)
- 10: Raikkonen rally safety fears: WRC to remove all Kingfisher logos from trees, rocks & lampposts (0)
- 07: BBC Sports Personality of the Year: British public reiterate they really, really fucking hate F1 – honestly (0)
November 2009
- 25: Kovalainen two-timing trauma: Whitmarsh looks sheepishly at foot circling floor as Finn told, “we’ve been seeing someone else” (0)
- 22: Manor Glock signing briefly noticed by media (0)
- 16: FIA seeks Flav zombie status clarification for possible defence plea failure sanction extension (0)
- 12: Sand dune, mud dune Yas Marina comparison, last throw of Donington dice (0)
- 09: Button fight at the Woking Corral: WDC dad Mclaren gamble could backfire, fear experts (0)
- 08: Irn-Bru GP League: manufacturer pull-out prompts F1 panic re-brand (0)
October 2009
- 25: “Fernando is…high fiving Flav! Nelsinho actually did it! LOL!!!” Alonso Facebook status Massa anger clue sensation (0)
- 19: Mosley Concorde granny flat angers FIA policy overhaul enthusiasts (0)
- 17: Emergency exciting GP rolled out following WDC narcolepsy fears (0)
- 12: Sutil, Grosjean, Alguerasari 3 Stooges Crash Gate distraction revelation (0)
- 08: Briatore: would have gotten away with it – if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids (0)
- 07: Alonso Ferrari move: CEO wonders if he should just quit now and get it over with (0)
September 2009
- 26: Ferrari break with past by hiring old Italian driver regularly trounced by multiple World Champion (0)
- 20: Lotus authenticity denied by Chapman Creationists (0)
- 15: Ghost of Saddam Hussein rails at Symonds immunity defence exclusivity (0)
August 2009
- 30: Alonso to Ferrari F1 rumour now longest in F1 history say F1 historians (0)
- 27: BMW failure – Speech Therapist Budget strain sensation (0)
- 25: Last Known Badoer Fan dies (0)
- 24: Ferrari tester, “still racing round Valencia” (0)
- 21: Bourdais farewell triggers vague memories he was driving this year (0)
- 18: That’s it! FOTA and FIA to meet at bike sheds after school (0)
- 15: Technician reprimanded for belated Hungaroring power lead sabotage (0)
- 11: FIA sanctions paddock, “cheating and intimidation” refresher course (0)
July 2009
- 14: Richards Prodrive entry refusal sparks F1 beard quota restriction storm (0)
- 12: BBC experiment with Eddie Jordan white noise replacement (0)
- 10: Williams, Force India sue FIA following misplaced accountancy investment (0)
June 2009
- 23: Hamilton pushing demands “in danger of creating rip in space time continuum”, claims scientist (0)
- 20: Toyota entry proves we’re committed to finally getting through this warehouse full of $100 bills, says company chief (0)
- 16: Candlelit vigil as world prays for F1 to stop spending money (0)
May 2009
- 20: Ferrari budget cap reaction: Massa and Kimi to race “on foot” in 2010 (0)
- 13: Renault seek KERS boost by harnessing Briatore rants (0)
- 05: Mclaren verdict in: team to be “tagged” says FIA (0)
April 2009
- 13: Paddock poll: “What is a diffuser anyway?” (0)
- 11: Ferrari double-cross dossier led to Mclaren deception debacle admits insider (0)
- 11: TV timing start spat: Ecclestone blames Europe for not putting clocks forward far enough (0)
- 11: God contrition after botched Mclaren biblical storm-hex (0)
March 2009
- 22: RBS Stewart cash in Mansell charity mouth clamp plea (0)
- 20: Brawn mechanic in snagged helium balloon tree-top terror trip sparks underweight accusation (0)
- 20: New FOTA winner-takes-all rules – Drivers admit: “victory concept escapes us” (0)
- 20: Mclaren excuse investment “most feared in paddock” (0)
February 2009
- 11: 2009 F1 aesthetic legal furore: Scalextric sued for retrospective patent infringement clairvoyance (0)
- 11: Top Doc in Time Travel Terror KERS warning (0)
- 11: Ad-free F1 raises Andrex sales downturn fears (0)
January 2009
- 11: Sports Personality runners-up rage sparks Hamilton medals endorsement (0)
- 11: Nylon clothing alert following KERS malfunction (0)
December 2008
- 11: F1 cost cutting meeting to focus on cutting cost from cost cutting meetings (0)
- 11: Health fears for blue flag marshals (0)
- 11: “Power of dreams” investment vindicated by multiple world championship hallucination (0)
November 2008
- 11: Piquet conscious glaring errors “exclusively his now” (0)
- 11: Spain taunt Brazil with “technologically superior” racism jibe (0)
- 11: Ghost of Mussolini, “livid” at Japanese-German collusion (0)
October 2008
- 22: Mosley admits running the FIA, “an absurd thing to do” (0)
- 17: Credit Crunch hits F1: future prize money to be paid in Aldi money-off vouchers (0)
- 14: Renault voodoo investment “finally paying off” (0)
- 13: Massa-Hamilton playground spat escalates: “my dad can beat up your dad”, claims Brazilian ace (0)
September 2008
- 26: Driver poll (0)
- 25: Raikkonen concentrated “100%” on winning that DHL Fastest Lap prize thing (0)
- 25: Monza podium record confirmation: youngest ever champagne-induced celebratory flatulence (0)
- 25: FIA deny witch hunt as Mclaren kyboshed by blue ink appeal form gaffe (0)
August 2008
- 10: Force India apologise for competing (0)
- 10: Alonso Honda move driven by “desire to do comedy” (0)
- 10: “Not-quite-F1-stars of tomorrow” receive IRL Manchester Velodrome chance (0)
July 2008
- 11: Massa vacates breakfast table following wasp incursion (0)
- 11: Suburban housewife wins British GP bid (0)
- 11: Coulthard to be melted down and broken up at end of 2008 season (0)
June 2008
- 20: Hamilton calamity betting latest: celestial contretemps is pole-position for Silverstone (0)
- 20: Mosley story to become musical (0)
- 20: Ecclestone admits: “only joking about all that stuff Silverstone had to do” (0)
May 2008
- 11: IMF Japan credit warning: Sato subsidy no longer economically viable (0)
- 11: Rubens record start: “in 1993, all this was Brazilians” (0)
April 2008
- 14: Coulthard regretting Red Bull magnetized wheels strategy (0)
- 14: Barcelona fans criticized for failing to distract attention from Barcelona race (0)
March 2008
- 15: Torro Rosso: yet another fucking team for sale, for Christ’s sake (0)
- 15: Night Race Update: Earth Rejects Bernie Billions to Cease Axis Spinning (0)
- 15: Satirists facing reality usurpation (0)
February 2008
- 20: Dennis-Faustian pact, “not panning out as hoped” (0)
- 20: Unanticipated Uniqlo Invoice, “pushed Super Aguri to the brink” (0)
- 20: Ethnic Minority Groups in Mosley-endorsement-irony: Ecclestone stops counting money long enough to call for calm (0)
January 2008
- 21: Fisichella Force India drive boosts large-sofa-to-hide-behind sales (0)
- 21: Ralf denies career disenchantment following Panto switch (0)
- 21: Ferrari deny favourite tag following God recruitment (0)
December 2007
- 11: Briatore “cheat” slur fury finally loosens tan (0)
- 11: Hamilton sensation: re-boot/undo confusion cost world championship (0)
November 2007
- 18: Mclaren to lure Vettel with family size Haribo and PS3 “if he’s good and promises to be nice to Mr Dennis, not like the last nasty man” (0)
- 18: Singapore night race follows refusal of “ungrateful” population of Europe to get up earlier, admits disgruntled Ecclestone (0)
- 17: Red Bull young driver recruitment heads for womb (0)
